Starting over is scary, overwhelming, exciting, and refreshing all at the same time. With the gap year in full bloom (and almost halfway ‘done’), I have to admit that I have days where I sit in my apartment wondering how the hell I'm going to find a 'job' or even multiple 'jobs' that will pay the bills but give me the opportunity to continue exploring my creativity and a need for learning all at the same time. Since settling down from my travels, I wake up each day excited about the endless opportunities that are ahead of me, but sometimes fear and self-doubt seeps its way back in and leaves me in a panic of having to go back to the past or even wondering what the future holds. But, then I remind myself of why I did this and what it means to me, and I continue to move forward.
When I was in Italy a few months ago, someone I met told me that I was courageous and brave for doing what I was doing. When I hear these kinds of words about myself, I often brush it off because ‘courage’ and ‘bravery’ was only reserved for those who are pushing against crazy odds and risking their life for something they believed in. I’ve seen and met people that had all of this, and it definitely wasn’t me.
But if it wasn’t courage or bravery that powered me to manage my simple fears and continue moving forward, then what was it? What empowered me to try and live the best version of me as best as I can before it’s too late?
Despite still holding these words for the amazing people that I’ve been able to meet through the years or those that I’ve read about, I started feeling that it still takes a little bit of ‘courage’ and ‘bravery’ to move through life truthfully and authentically. Perhaps ‘courage’ and ‘bravery’ is part of the spectrum like many things in life and deserves some recognition even if it’s micro.
I’m definitely not at the higher part of the spectrum that deserves a medal of honor, but I think as human beings with human experiences and a desire for something beyond our wildest imagination, we need to be part of the spectrum of ‘courage’ and ‘bravery’. Because what is ‘courage’ but an act to continue moving forward despite having fears looming? What is courage but managing our human fears accordingly with integrity and moving forward from there?
Starting over is scary, overwhelming, exciting, and refreshing all at the same time.
I’ve seen people do it, and I’ve seen people fail and get right back up and head straight back to the drawing board. It’s not pitiful, it’s courageous and brave and I hope that I too can live this way. To grow, and to continually evolve perhaps mean that we can incorporate a little bit of ‘courage’ and ‘bravery’ into our lives then.
So that leaves me here, and y’all probably wondering what I’m doing (I’ve heard a lot of funny speculations recently including me going into selling household seasoning & spices btw).
And the answer is, I don't know exactly (which can be the scary part because there's nothing tangible) except I just want to create funny stories and empower people in the best way I can.
So what have I done since December 2018? Plan, plan, plan, do, plan, plan, do!
I created some goals that I wanted to accomplish this year and majority of it is around creativity and putting myself out there in a city (NYC) where its DNA dances in creativity and the arts. I'm continuing to write, draw, and narrate for my weekly comic, "Sticky Situations", and am working/helping friends out within the comedy circuit so I can learn what all goes on behind the scenes.
As far as my Reiki practice is concerned, I’m planning to slowly ease my way in this year because I still love working with people. I will definitely let y’all know if I’m practicing in the NY area in the next few months or so.
Also, if y’all don’t know, I still like making silly music videos for fun. I posted this on my Instagram which is linked here. :-)
With everything said, I hope y’all have an amazing day and can incorporate a little bit of ‘courage’ and ‘bravery’ into today so that we can manage our fears a little bit more positively :-).